I know I’ve been making quite a few personal posts lately (that last one, oof), and I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate your patience with me, and your kind words left in my ask last night. I like to try and be a relatively optimistic, positive person, I was just so angry and humiliated last night, and I kind of just blew up. I want to let you all know that I’m okay, and I’m going to get over it, and I’m sorry if I’ve been very moody lately. I feel much better today, really. (Thanks to Alan for holding my hand while I lost my mind last night, and to Mikenna for watching funny YouTube videos with me all afternoon.) Anyway, that’s all. Thank you for following me, for reading my posts, and for taking the time to check in on me. I love you all, even if I haven’t spoken directly to you before. (Feel free to change that!) XO
- call you names
- tell you weird and personal details about myself
- say “I NEED TO PEE” instead of just brb
- type in caps a lot.
If i’m extra comfortable with you I’ll do all that and:
- talk casually about porn and really perverted thoughts
- share funny photos from my tumblr dash
- actually tell you when i’m upset
- try to make conversation with you
- just generally act really silly when I’m in a good mood
- tell you jokes even if they’re bad
Pretty much Alan
My ex-boyfriend who I truly loved and adored for three years of my life, and just broke up with in late July, has apparently been in a relationship with some girl since March.
Actually laughing at my own stupidity.
Fuck you, you fucking fuck. I suspected you were cheating, and I even confronted you about it. You swore up and down that you never cheated. And I actually believed you. Honestly, I did. I trusted you. I gave you everything you ever asked me for. I loved you nonstop. I never gave up on you, throughout all of your bullshit. And what do you do?
You cheat, and you lie, and, worst of all, you tell me you love me with a straight face.
So you know what?
I’m going to cry tonight and be angry and I’ll probably ache all over, but tomorrow, I’m going to stand up and decide that you’re not worth it. You’re not worth any of it! I’m so sorry I thought so highly of you, and gave you all my love, and emptied my heart out on you, because all you did was put it on a shelf like a trophy. Up until today, as ugly as things might have gotten, I never once regretted you.
Today, I wish we’d never even met.
But that’s okay. Cause I’m better now, and you’re just going to keep lying and cheating, because people like you never really change. And I’m so furious with myself for not knowing that a long time ago, and for giving you another chance every time you apologized and promised you would do better. But hey, you put on a damn good show. Bravo, darling, bravo. I hope you’re satisfied.
I feel sick. I hope you know that I would never have done that to you. I valued you more that that.
I wish I could move on and be happy, but you’ve made me believe that no one will ever want me, anyway. After all, you were a saint for putting up with me, what with all my baggage, yeah?
My coincidentally gay best friend’s mother, upon meeting me for the second time, actually begged me to jump her son’s bones just in case he turned out to be straight, and then said if I would give her a grandchild, she’d let me live there, take care of the baby, and send me to college?
Needless to say, it’s been an interesting night.
Please, be here. Come to bed with me. Let me grab fistfuls of your shirt and mold my body to yours, just so I can soak up your warmth. Please, don’t mind my racing heart, it’s just so happy to have you near. Please, let me run my fingers through your hair and kiss your collarbone ‘goodnight’ as though you might feel it on your lips. Please, and I promise I’ll disappear after that, and it will only be a lovely dream.
I haven’t had such a heart to heart in so long. Thank you, Paris <3
Love you bby. Glad you’re in my life.
When I’m a mommy, I’m going to hold my babies in my arms and kiss their noses, and tickle their tummies and give their cheeks raspberries. I’ll hold their hands when we cross the street, and I’ll buy them an ice cream cone and laugh when they get it all over their faces. I’m going to bake with them and let them steal bites of cookie dough. I’ll push them on the swings and catch them at the end of the slide. I’ll “eat” their Play-Doh delicacies, and “drink” the invisible tea at their tea parties. I’ll greet their imaginary friends, and kiss their teddy bear goodnight. I’ll always compliment their scribbly masterpieces, and stick them up on the refrigerator. If they want to be a ballerina or an artist or a fireman or a doctor or a musician, I’ll be their number one supporter. But more than that, I’ll teach them to be a good sport, and to play fairly. I’ll commend their hard work, and encourage their kindness. And I’ll love them unconditionally, no matter where they go or how old they get or what they might think of me.
I know that I can fight, or I can let the lion win.
I begin to assemble what weapons I can find,
'Cause sometimes to stay alive,
You got to kill your mind.
Am I the only one I know
Waging my wars behind my face and above my throat?
Shadows will scream that I’m alone,
But I know we’ve made it this far, kid.
I wish I’d known this song years ago. It might just have saved me from attempting suicide.
So I’m watching this video over and over again and I can’t stop smiling. Look at my little baby! So bitty and precious, little butterball.
I know you’ll probably never see this, but here’s to you, you beautiful angel.
Here’s to the girl who reached out to me first, at a brand new school, just to tell me she loved my hair.
Here’s to the girl who sat by my side and held my hand while I spilled the entirety of my heart out onto the floor, and continued to tell me that it’s okay, and that I was doing fine.
Here’s to the girl who checks up on me every now and then, ever since that long conversation in an empty classroom at lunchtime.
Here’s to the girl who went out on a limb for me, despite my reluctance to tell her what had happened, and agreed to help me set up a safety net.
Here’s to the girl who always calls me her “sunshine” and “doll” and makes me feel like I have someone to turn to, no matter what.
Sometimes I feel like I’ve known you forever. The world needs more people like you.
I want someone who’s going to be thrilled to just lay in bed beside me and read while I curl up at his side and drift off, happily. I want to make that someone breakfast in bed and give him back massages and foot rubs and I want to squeeze his hand to reassure him that everything is alright, and that I love him. I would love to stay up late kissing him and laughing over silly nonsense. I’d like to go for walks in the fall when the leaves are on the ground, so we can crunch them together and maybe he’ll let me wear his hoodie and then we can grab hot chocolate at some hole-in-the-wall place. I’d really like to nuzzle his nose when it gets cold and pink, and I’d like to throw my arms around him when I see him and let him know that I’m so happy to see him. (Even if I just saw him yesterday.) I’d like to tie his tie and kiss his cheek and tell him to have a good day. And I’d like to leave him little surprises and love notes where he’ll find them. Inside of a book, under his pillow, in the pocket of his favorite shirt. I wanna stay in some nights and cuddle on the couch and order takeout and watch movies. I’d like to take him for a drive when he’s stressed, or make him his favorite food. I really want to hold his hand in public and show him off. “Look, this person is so wonderful and I can’t believe he’s mine, but he is, and I just want to tell everyone!” I want to dance with him even though I’m bad at it. I want to make him mix CDs and write him letters at random. I want to find this person who will do these things with me because he wants to, too.
In the winter of 2011, photographer and furniture designer Ana Kraš flew from her home in Belgrade, Serbia, to Los Angeles, where she’d been sent by a European magazine to photograph artist-musician Devendra Banhart. Within five minutes, he asked her to marry him. Despite her initial impulse to flee, she stayed — and the two have been together ever since.